I Am New

I've had an epiphany. 

I was reading through the blog of a World Racer (www.theworldrace.org for more info) today and I was struck to the heart by something I read. 

Ever since returning home from Africa I have been feeling "empty."  I thought that after this trip I would come home all "filled" up.  I left feeling I could almost explode with love and passion for Jesus.  I thought I'd return even more filled up with the Holy Spirt.  Filled with love.  Filled with compassion, with purpose, with passion, with drive.. the list goes on and on.  This simply wasn't the case.

I have felt like I'm running on empty.  Walking around in a haze of disorientation.  Like I have poured out everything and need to be refilled.  But, I didn't feel like He was refilling me.

What does He want from me?  What does He want for me?  Why am I not bursting at the seams with joy and love?  Why do I feel like I have back stepped?

But today, I found a new perspective.  This girls blog hugely blessed me and I know the Lord used her to speak directly to me.  Here is what I took away from her blog..maybe it'll be helpful to someone else..

I am new.  I am being remade.  I am not who I was.  Thank God.

God is in the process of transforming me.  I am not the same person now as I was before my feet hit African soil.  He is expanding my capacity for love, for compassion, for hope, and faith.  I am a larger, more beautiful vessel for Christ than I was before.

It's not so much that I'm "empty" or "less full" - I simply have the capacity in my spirit to hold so much more.  I have not been feeling full because I have space for a lot more!

I have NOT back stepped.  He is establishing a new heart in me.  And while this has felt uncomfortable and a bit confusing, it's all for His glory. 

I am just as full as I was when I left, in fact, I'm filled even more with a desire and heart for the Lord.  But now, I am able to love abundantly more, feel compassion and even heartache abundantly more. 

He is slowly transforming me into His likeness.  It seems like an impossible task, but we will all one day be perfected in His presence.

I pray for continued sanctification.  We are never done being shaped and molded.  He is the potter - we are the clay. 

Have your way in me, Lord!

More African stories coming soon..