Break Every Chain - & Bhobokazi

There is power in the name of Jesus

To break every chain.

 

All sufficient sacrifice

So freely given

Such a price

Bought our redemption

Heavens gate swing wide.

 

Will Regan & The United Pursuit Band

 

I am struggling to write this post this morning.  I've been feeling really out of sorts lately.  I was told that a sort of depression is common upon arriving home from a mission trip, but man, I had no idea.

 

 When arriving home I was literally devestated.  I wanted nothing more than turn around and go back, never to touch American soil again.  I wanted to be with my sweet precious friends, I wanted to continue on in the distinct purpose I had felt in Swaziland.  I wanted to go back and bask in the presence of our Holy God (how silly of me to forget that He is here too).  I wanted to see my teammates and make them a permanent fixture in my life.

 

I wanted that and I continue to want that. 

 

But, it hurts deeply to want those things.  I've never experienced heart break this way before.  I dont know if you have, but let me tell you, it's painful.

 

To ease the pain I have found that I have forced myself to revert back to my old self. I have forced myself to find value in the empty things around me.  I forced myself to continue on in my old desires.  The devil has used my pain as a way to make me push everything I learned and saw away.

 

No more.  Lord, please help me.  Don't let me lose sight of You, of Your children, of Your world, of Your commission. 

 

Right now I'm trying to find purpose in what I am doing here and now.  There is purpose.  I don't have to be in Africa to have a cause, to feel useful.  My ministry is right where I stand. 

 

I love Swaziland.  I love each one of my teammates and leaders, more than they realize.  I love all the little Swazi children.  I love Audrey and Grace and all our Swazi friends.  I love Bhobokazi and Bhalekani.  I love Africa.  But, most of all, I love Jesus.  He has set a love upon my heart and I know He will see it through, one way or another.   

 

He will break this chain.  He will take my hurt and make it into something beautiful.

 

 

Day 5.

 

This is the carepoint my team was assigned too.  <3

I was quite afraid on our first day of home visits and carepoint ministry.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121: 1-2

I wrote down a few prayers in my journal, desperately pleading for strength and confidence.  I also wanted heartbreak.

Lord, I want to feel something deeper than sadness, than feeling sorry for these people.  I want to feel heartbreak.  Break my heart for what breaks Yours.  I feel passion building, or maybe compassion, but I want it to explode inside of me.  Align my heart with Yours.  Amen (side note: be careful what you ask for)

We headed out to our ministry sites bright and early on Monday morning.  From about 10-12:30 we were to be out doing home visits or street ministry.  Basically, meeting strangers and spending time getting to know them and praying with them.

I was terrified, what on earth was I going to tell these people?!  But God has a funny way of working all things together for His glory. 

The first man we met was Moses.  We spent some time getting to know him and reading scripture.  He was so appreciative to have us there.  We prayed for his family, for his home (that it wouldn't fall down), for his nephews injured leg, and for the Lords provision on this family.

We left Moses feeling deeply saddened by how hungry and skinny he was.  We immediately set out on a mission to find a way to get food for him and his family. (update on day 6)

The next lady we visited was probably about 75 years old.  She couldn't walk anymore and was pretty much trapped in her armchair.  She was overjoyed to have us read scripture to her, so much so that she began to cry.  It was truly beautiful. 

We then got asked to sing for her.  Say what!?  We all looked around at each other with looks of horror and then eventually decided to sing Amazing Grace.  We sang a rather out of tune but intensely powerful chorus of the song.  Praise God, it was awesome!

The best part was at the end we all laid hands on this beautiful woman and prayed for her healing and for her family.  It was so special.  Hallelujah! 

After our home visits we headed back to our carepoint to spend time with the kiddos! 

We were assigned the awesome, yet difficult task, of putting on Vacation Bible School each day.  Our theme of the week was how God can turn a bad day into a good day and we talked about biblical examples of this.

Our goal was to help the children understand that even when something bad happens to them, God can and will use it for the good of those who love Him.  We must simply trust Him to do so.

We put on silly skits, sang fun songs, and played games.  The kids loved it!

We blew up a bunch of balloons for them to play with and the children went NUTS!   



Joseph playing with the balloon with this precious little one.

I absolutely love this little one.  She was so

dirty, she had rotten teeth, she had sores on her head,

and she wore this dress the entire week, but I

couldn't help but snuggle her.

Playing games!

 

After the "program" the children ate their meal.  Now, remember, for most of them, this is their only meal.  It consists of rice and beans.  They get heaping portions, which is great, and they eat ALL of it, even the tiny ones.  Of course, some only eat part of it and bring the rest home to their family.  Thank God for care points, without them, these kids wouldn't be eating.

 

 

 

I was officially falling in love with Bhobokazi and couldn't wait to be back the following day.