Fill Me Up

Fear is starting to creep in.

What have I gotten us into?

FILL ME UP, LORD..fill me up with faith, fill me up with hope, fill me up with joy, fill me up with peace.

For many many months now I have been asked the question, "Aren't you afraid?'  My answer has tirelessly been, "No way!  I'm so excited!"

Up until now, it's been true.  I've been so so excited.

Don't get me wrong, the excitement is still there, it's fueling me.  However, fear has taken up root in my heart.

When the question, "Aren't you afraid?", comes up, typically the person is referring to disease, filth, and general danger.  I am not afraid of these things. 

I am afraid of the unknown.

I have never experienced poverty.  I have never looked in the face of a starving child.  I have never held an orphan.  I have never been to a country that disease claims the lives of so many people.  I have never done this before.  I'm scared of what I'm going to see.  I'm mostly scared of what I'm going to feel.

My heart is already hurting for these people and I just don't know how I'm going to react in their presence.

I'm afraid of the massive heart change that the Lord is preparing for me.  He is planning to wreck me.  To wreck my view of everything.  I want it, I pray for this, but I am oh so afraid of it. 

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:13

For I am the Lord, your God,

who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you, Do not fear;

I will help you.

Scripture tells us SOOOO many times to "fear not."  Why is it so hard then?

The Lord is teaching me (reminding me rather) that He is the only one who brings me peace.  If I grab ahold of His hand, He will guide me and keep me. 

I want all the the Lord has willed for my life.  I long deeply for it.  It means change, though, and it means seeing and feeling things that are uncomfortable and heart breaking.

There is POWER in the name of Jesus and my prayer is that while He totally wrecks my life, that He would help me rejoice in whatever circumstance I am put in.  I pray that He would help me to rejoice with a suffering people and help me to bring them hope.  I pray that He would help me to rejoice in whatever change He brings to my life after this trip is over.

I pray to be FILLED with his Spirit, to take comfort in knowing that He is closer than my own breath.


Show me Your Glory Father!!